Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
