You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Everyone says I win the strip club
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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