i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
