Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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