he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
