I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
