i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
