So drunk its hurt
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
