Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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