There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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