I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
