Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
