Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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