1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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