Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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