puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize