I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
