WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
