can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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