I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
