i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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