Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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