God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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