I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
