3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
