Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
