whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
