FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
