It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
