I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Come see our sink grown plant.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
