I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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