We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
