What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
