"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize