Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
