Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
