...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
