So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
