Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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