umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
