I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
