so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
There's even glitter on my cock...
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