1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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