i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He has the fingertips of a God
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