then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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