their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
