did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
