ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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