I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
