I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She's just so happy...and so naked.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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