he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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