Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You made out with two different species that night
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
