i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I will be naked everywhere
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize