she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think people are normalizing furries
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
