He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize