I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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