Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
