I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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