We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
