tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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