Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
