and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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