the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize