just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
