I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
