so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
