i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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