Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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