Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
