I just saw a hot homeless man
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
